You’re driving down MacArthur Ave in Irving, Texas. You’ve just finished a heavy leg workout (but most likely an arm workout, because every day is arm day) at the local LA Fitness. You managed to leg press more than most of the people in the gym ever could. Sure, it was a Friday night workout and the gym was mostly empty, but that doesn’t matter. You’re feeling so alpha right now. As you exit, you grab your gym bag, unzip it, look inside, and realize you’ve somehow forgotten your brotein shake. You start to panic as your world begins to crumble. You need those post-workout calories to ensure your hard-earned muscle babies are fed. In your mind, if you are not consuming vast quantities of protein and carbohydrates within 5 minutes of grunting through your final set, your muscles will immediately atrophy and your gains will be lost. That workout will have been for nothing. The cute chick that sits in the next cubicle will never notice you. You will be nobody. And you are not about to let that happen – not today, not ever.
As your stress mounts and your blood pressure rises, you see a glimmer of hope in the distance. Three glimmers of hope, to be exact. Only half a mile away, you notice an In-N-Out, which happens to be directly across the street from Five Guys and Whataburger, the crown jewel of Texas burger fast food chains. None of these options can fit in your daily macros, but who cares? You’re bulking anyways. It’s time to to eat. It’s time to get huge.
So which do you choose? Let’s break it down.
You cannot go wrong with an In-N-Out 3×3, animal style burger. Three (albeit, thin) beef patties, three slices of gooey, melted cheese, lettuce, tomato, and their secret sauce thrown in between a soft bun. I have nothing but love in my heart for that combination. And the fact that In-N-Out is open until 1 a.m. means that I am able to eat what I want, almost however late I want. Priced at approximately $5.50 (for a triple patty burger, mind you), you simply can’t go wrong here.Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about their french fries, which are fairly bland and lacking in taste. Somehow, they are also cursed with a grainy and sandy texture as soon as they reach the oral pallet. Very weird. Going animal style on the fries does not mask this issue either, I have found. In-N-Out doesn’t really redeem itself with their perfectly average milk shakes. If you’re searching for a stellar milk shake, definitely go someplace else to satisfy this craving. Overall, as far as affordability, taste, and accessibility (they’re all over the place on the western side of the United States) are concerned, In-N-Out earns a respectable 7.5/10. Would recommend, folks.
Ah, Five Guys…how I could become morbidly obese over your food. Peanuts mysteriously taste much better here, yet I have no conclusive explanation for it. One might speculate it is due to the fact that these peanuts are consumed while you wait for your perfect burger and fries to be prepared, or perhaps because they are free. Whatever the reason, those peanuts taste darn good. And their burgers? Oh my. First, let’s discuss toppings. I don’t know about you, but toppings tickle my fancy, and at Five Guys, I can add as many toppings as I would like for no extra charge. The caramelized onions and grilled jalapeno peppers are especially tantalizing. Upon unwrapping your meaty blessing, you will notice that the 80/20 ground chuck patties are anything but uniform, enhancing the visual appeal and ensuring you of their homemade authenticity. If you’re feeling like a true beast, go ahead and add an extra patty. It will genuinely change you. Five Guys boasts a tasty french fry as well. Whether you choose to add the Cajun seasoning (do it) or not (poor choice), you will undoubtedly be gifted with a heaping serving of freshly-cut, just-made fries. Should your Five Guys location serve milk shakes, buy one. I have literally added 6 strips of bacon to my salted caramel milk shake. This is love. This is Five Guys. The only flaw with this fast food option is the price of their menu options. $11.00 for a double bacon cheeseburger is certainly a bold move. Because of this, I can only award them a 9/10.
Last, but certainly not least, is the infamous Texas chain. As a recent Texas resident, I approached Whataburger with a healthy dosage of skepticism. I soon learned that in order to become a Texan, one of the criteria is to love Whataburger. No, really. You must love it. Astounding dedication by these Texas residents. And I can see why. First, their burgers are very large, dwarfing much, if not all, of their competition. Plus, Whataburger offers everything from chicken sandwiches and chicken tenders to burgers, from biscuits and gravy to a honey butter chicken biscuit, from salads to wraps. They have a considerable variety of dipping sauces as well, including a spicy ketchup (more restaurants need to offer this). I love me some Whataburger. Unlike In-N-Out, Whataburger will cook you a mean french fry. Crispy, salty, and fatty; what else would you want, or expect? Dip them little guys in some spicy ketchup, and, well – welcome to Texas. All this for an approximate average of $10.00 per meal, coupled with 24-hour service, and Whataburger becomes a formidable contender. Whataburger easily earns a 7.5/10.
Just in case you would like a second opinion, saunter over to my friend, Chris Vivero’s blog, where he will give you his own take on the burger food review. You won’t regret it.
You finish your last bite of your post-workout meal, and take a sigh of relief. You check your biceps, just to make sure they’re still there. They are. You’ve done it. You’re going to be okay.